You get in, close the door and are in your own little world. Except… you’re not. You’re actually in a sea of others and while getting into that little metal box might make you feel like you’ve just put on headphones and hid under the covers, you’re still right there, on the asphalt, driving.
A friend of mine told me his brother said he “could go through red lights because his reflexes were that good.” I pictured him running through lights thinking: well that’s great for you, but nobody’s else’s (reflexes) are that good. I imagined cars swerving in confusion and chaos and upheaval following him wherever he went.
Sometimes, we take shortcuts, take chances and become naively cavalier. We can be disconnected. Our minds driving the vehicle don’t get how bad our bodies in the vehicle will feel after the smash. It reminds me of the movie, Gone with the Wind, where people were excitedly yelling (to paraphrase) something like “yeah, we’re going to war!” when they had no embodied understanding of the ramifications of that statement.
Life can seem predictable at times and we can be fooled into thinking that current events will continue unchanged. Do you drive like playing checkers with an unconscious expectation that each car will remain in perfect formation as you jump between spaces? We’re prone to distraction (the weekend was so nice, blah, blah, blah………sh_t, I’m gonna miss my exit!!), impulsivity (I need to exit now!!) and ultimatum thinking (I need to get off at this exit and this exit only!!)
By the way, my spouse and I have labels for what we see on the road. This is not to say that I’m mindfully aware at all times, but naming them has helped us keep our cool when certain behaviors might scare the sh_t out of us. If it helps, steal it. The key is picking verbiage that lightens things up. If a comment just makes you more *irritated or pissed off; that’s a dud.
We started with D.W.M. or “driving while mean,” but it didn’t meet *criteria. The acronym search continued. Our newest iterations involve ants, since they are always on the move and tend to make people wiggle if their in your…. undergarments. The first level is Ants in Pants or A.I.P. We see a vehicle frequently changing lanes, like they’re jumpy and can’t get settled. The second level is Fire Ants in Pants or F.I.A.P, which is verbally clunky, but entails lane jumping accompanied by speed. I used to semi-yell them out. That was fun, but well…..not safe. Damn.
I’ve also become curious about my own driving in the hopes of making it less stressful. I’ve taken alternate routes, even if longer, turned off distractions on stress streets and made those spaces between myself and others (when possible). Making space might involve speeding up, but is equally likely to mean anticipating/slowing down, which is typically easier on myself and the vehicle.
To help my body relax, I use a simple technique that Oren Jay Sofer offers in his book “Say What You Mean.” My back is calmly upright while the stomach, butt and legs get “heavy” and drop into the seat and I connect with the pressure of butt against seat. I breathe slowly and deeply. This is one of those ideas where your mind might think “stupid” and body might say “heyyy, not bad.”
In the end, one of the reasons I write is the same: to prevent pain. It’s frustrating to deal with a body that doesn’t move as smoothly and easily as before. I would love for you not to experience that. While that other driver might be “crazy,” you can decide where and how you want to live within that sphere of influence.
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